Magic Wand


SMITTY: See, all you’re missin’ my friend is your secret weapon…
SMITTY:   Your hidden tool, Scrawny Ronny… is your magic wand…
SMITTY:   You start with razzle, dazzle… abra cadabra…
SMITTY:   …and then add Italiano…
RONNY:   …add Italiano…
SMITTY:   Whip out your long, smooth, stiff and tan
SMITTY/RONNY:   …magic wand…MAGIC WAND!!
Scene set-up: SMITTY is the first alum at the reunion to recognize a physically transformed “Scrawny Ronny” from high school who is now buff and handsome.  Unfortunately RONNY is still the same nervous nerd inside, too afraid to talk to the girl.
If I Were You


TOMMY:   If I were you…for my first date… I’d have nothing less.
TOMMY:   I would expect we’d hold hands as we share our moon.
GINA:    He’s really handsome isn’t he…?
TOMMY:   Yeah…
TOMMY/GINA:   Under our moon…
TOMMY:   …his true need for you grows.
TOMMY GINA/SMITTY:   Make him give you the perfect…
SMITTY:  …kiss.
Scene set-up: Just after his closeted high school romance with the water polo captain has gone painfully south, a devastated TOMMY describes a “first-date how-to” to his best friend GINA, who mistakenly believes TOMMY is describing the two of them.
So Not Seventeen


GINA:   That’s funny…I didn’t realize you knew FDR had a library…
JENN:    Ain’t it a scream they assumed you’se a whore?
TRACY:   Hilarious, Jenn.  Speakin’ of memories… Gina…you remember this…?
GINA/JENN/TRACY:   …I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it…
GINA/JENN/TRACY:   I’m so glad that I’m oh so not seventeen…no more.
Scene set-up: At the reunion, GINA and JENN have lured their high school nemesis, TRACY, into the ladies’ room to try to trick her into removing the infamous “ring”.  Each with an agenda, the three bitter alums put on friendly faces as best they can.
Please Let Me


JENN:   …you are hung like a...a hairspray. I forgot this was here.
JENN:    Jenn…you should shut up now. Jenn…can you shut up now?
RONNY:    Please, Ronny now, tell her how you feel.
JENN:    Love is kinda a cuss word in this country. Careful.
RONNY/JENN:   Just for now…dancing…please.
Scene set-up: While getting this very sexy uncomprehending Italian stranger to help her, JENN has yet again fallen for a man she knows is out of her league.  RONNY, hand-cuffed by his phony Italian alter-ego and crippling insecurity, cannot tell her he understands and is charmed by her every word.